


How Could You Leave?

by Deannie



Series: Dear Love [4]
Category: The Sentinel
Genre: Death, Drama/Romance, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 1997-05-23
Updated: 1997-05-23
Packaged: 2017-12-11 05:49:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,287
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/794577
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Deannie/pseuds/Deannie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jim comforts a friend. Number four in the 'Dear Love' series.</p>
            </blockquote>





	How Could You Leave?

DISCLAIMER: Pet Fly owns 'em, I use 'em, we all love 'em. 

RATING: PG (Maybe PG-13), Simonangst, Blairangst, implied Jimangst 

NOTES: This is the fourth story in the "Dear Love" series. It's gone through a total revamp, thanks to a few of the senners who sent me comments on the other stories. Please read "Just Because I'm Not There," "If I Had You Here," and "While You're Gone" before reading this. Thanks. 

THANKS: To all those who've written me to tell me what they think of my stuff. 

## How Could You Leave?

by Dean Warner  


Simon sat back, listening to the quiet sobs from the room above. He ignored his own tears, waiting to hear the sounds of sleep from his friend. 

He wasn't surprised when they never came. 

He couldn't sleep himself. His mind kept replaying the evening--night, really. He got the call from Brown at 2:00 a.m., and he knew immediately that he probably wouldn't be sleeping again for a long time. 

"Captain?" He didn't think he'd ever heard Brown on the verge of tears before. "Sir, we're over at the Palladin Warehouse... Ellison's down." 

Simon had sat up straight, grabbing for his glasses and his pants at the same time. "How is he?" 

The silence on the line was all Simon needed to dress in record time. 

"Sandburg?" he asked tensely. 

"He won't leave him, sir," Brown said quietly. "The coroner is going to be here soon, and..." 

"I'll be right there." 

Now Simon sat in Jim's loft, listening to Sandburg tear himself apart. 

He rose silently, heading to the bookshelves, just wandering, really. There was a pouch in his pocket that seemed to weigh a ton, and he felt like, if he opened it, it would make Jim's death too real... 

But he'd made a promise, and the fact that he was spending the night watching over Sandburg meant that he was already committed to it. He moved over to the patio, opening the door quietly, and stepping out into a cold April night. 

The city looked almost beautiful in the predawn, but Simon couldn't appreciate it today. His voice was a whisper than only a Sentinel might have heard. 

"God, Jim... How could you leave him?" 

He took a deep breath, listening to the sounds of unbearable distress from inside the loft, and held the letter reverently as he read...  
  


* * *

Dear Simon, 

I apologise right now. You probably thought that your only job here was going to be to hold on to these two pouches for the rest of your life. I'm sorry that's not the way it happened. 

I can't imagine what you're going through--but I speak from experience, it really does get better. At least for some of us. I don't know about Sandburg, but he's the main reason for these letters, anyway. 

I won't ask you to stay with him the night you have to read this. See, if *you* kill *him*, then I'll just have to come back and kill *you*. 

Seriously, though. I know him too well, and he's likely to try something crazy. Just stop him long enough for him to get some perspective, Simon. 

Okay, the letters. You'll notice that the envelopes here are numbered. Blair's got a set of his own in the other pouch. They're all timed out, to sort of give him a chance to get used to the idea. I'd like you to read the next one of yours the day you give him his, okay? 

I wanted to have a chance to tell you that I really appreciated your friendship, Simon. I know I was as irritating as I could get when I first joined Major Crimes, but I'm glad you gave me a chance to change. 

Thank you for this. I know, when I first explained it to you, that you thought I was nuts, but, if I know Blair, he's probably lost it completely, and I just can't be there to pick up the pieces this time. 

I always leave you the dirty jobs, don't I, sir? 

Sorry again, 

Jim  
  


* * *

Simon, this letter is now called Day 1. Blair's are numbered just like this, and his also tell him when to open them. 

I don't know how long it's been since whatever happened *happened*, but I hope he's been holding up okay. I'm sure he *hasn't* but I can hope, right? 

Okay, here's the plan. He's going to have a letter tonight, and another tomorrow morning. I'm pretty sure he's not working, or you wouldn't feel the need to give him these letters at all. 

Tonight will be okay, I hope, and tomorrow, I'm taking him on a walk. Call him tomorrow night, okay? Just... make sure that he can talk if he needs to. 

You know, Simon, Blair really likes you. I know he's a pain sometimes, but he just... You've got 'Captain' written across your ass, sir, and he doesn't always know how to respond to you. 

I don't have to tell you that he's grown on you, too. You like him. Admit it. It's been great to see the way you two have gotten to know each other--just over the past four years. It was like, once he and I were together, you let down your guard, and he became part of the family. 

Thank you for that. And thank you for *this*, too. 

I have another letter for you for tomorrow night, okay? Read it *after* you talk to him. 

I hope I haven't added too much to your workload, sir. Hopefully, whatever happened, it was a clean bust. 

Thanks, 

Jim  
  


* * *

Day 2 -- Night 

Okay, 

He's probably a little distant tonight, huh? Sorry, that's my fault. Wait... *All* of this is my fault isn't it? 

Come on, Simon, even dead, I can still make jokes. 

Anyway, tonight I'm going to ask him a favor. The favor tomorrow is from *you*. I need him to come in to work. Call him in the morning--any excuse will do--just makes sure that he drops by, if only for a while. 

Then... Tell him about my break-up with Carolyn. I know, I know, I'm not supposed to kiss and tell... But I never told him that, before him, she was the closest I came to a real relationship, or that, before him, I was too much of an asshole to *have* a relationship. 

I know that you and Carolyn got pretty close those last few months she was in Cascade--maybe closer than I wanted you to be at the time. It's okay, and it's *always* been okay--at least since I found Blair, that is. 

Use what she told you about our break-up. Yes, Simon, that's right. Use what she told you against me with Blair. 

See, I want him to see what he's been to me. I want him to see that the changes he's made in me, the changes that just having him around have made, are the same changes he can make in other people. 

Don't worry, I won't ask you to tell him what a good friend he is to you. I value both of you too much to risk the explosion! 

Can you think of any other examples of what a jerk I was before? I'm sure you can, Simon, don't lie to me. 

And whatever you do, don't kill my Guide tomorrow, okay? 

Read the next one tomorrow night--unless you're busy trying to figure out a way to get out of this contract. 

But remember, I'm watching you! 

Jim  
  


* * *

Day 3 -- Night 

Okay, I guess you've decided not to tempt me. Good move. 

Blair should call you in the morning. If he doesn't, call him. When he calls, ask him if he's been to the University since all this started. If he hasn't, suggest it. Today was his day to go to the station, tomorrow is his day at the University. I didn't exactly tell him as much, but he'll probably figure that, since both of them are his work, he's going to have to split his time. 

So, the reason he'll be calling is to set up a Poker Night--make it Sunday night if you can--at our place. I don't have to tell you to throw a game or two--even at his worst, Blair can always kick all of our butts. I hope the other guys don't have a problem with this, but I expect Ryf probably won't. Keep your eye on him, Simon. I always worried that Blair would leave me for him eventually. 

Then, you get a day off. The next letter will put you back in synch with Sandburg. Open it not tomorrow night, but the night after. 

If Sandburg completely taps you out, make sure to skim a little off my life insurance payout, okay? 

I won't tell anybody. 

Jim  
  


* * *

Day 5 -- Night 

Okay Simon, here's the hard part. 

I talked to Blair about some painful things tonight, and he's really going to need someone to talk to tomorrow. Call him. Ask him out to breakfast, or something--just don't tell him I told you about his letter for tonight. 

It's going to be a hard few days for him, so I want to ask you to be there for him. Has anyone called Naomi? If not, you might want to wait until the weekend before that happens. I'll explain that to you in the next letter. 

*His* next letter won't be until the weekend, so I'll have you read yours on Friday night, okay? 

Are *you* okay? I know how it is in the department when an officer dies. I hope everyone is doing all right. Tell the guys that I asked after them in this letter--but don't tell Ryf that I knew he had a thing for Blair though, okay? If we're lucky, they'll figure that out on their own. 

I was thinking... You know I wrote these new letters in February, right? Are you still going out with Kristine? I hope so. I always liked her. 

If you're not, I'm really sorry about bringing up bad memories. I'm becoming quite an expert at that right now, I think. 

Okay, so, next letter on Friday night. When you get it, you may damn yourself for your momentary weakness in letting me lay this on you. 

So I'll apologise again here. 

Sorry, Simon, I know I'm asking a lot. I'm just glad I had a friend like you to ask it of. 

Thank you, 

Jim  
  


* * *

Friday Night 

This is going to be a tough weekend, Simon. I'm sure Blair has been guilting himself half to death since I died, and this weekend, I hope to put a stop to that--at least to part of it. 

But I'm afraid for him, Simon. I'm taking him up to the Reservoir tomorrow, to a little lookout just above Rickman Falls. It'll be easy for you to find, and he'll be taking that tent of ours--you know, it's bright yellow?--so you should be able to keep watch. 

And I need you to do that. I suppose I've probably been pushing him this past couple of weeks, but I need to get him started with life again. I'm just afraid that, when he hears what I have to say to him this weekend, he'll do something stupid. 

I'm not asking you to hold his hand here, Simon. Just keep an eye on him. If he took a header over those falls... 

Well, he'd never do that, anyway, right? Remember when he and I went after you and Quinn? God, I thought he was going to die of fright before we ever jumped off that cliff! 

So... Take care of him... Please? 

Here's where your letters start to outstrip his. After tomorrow, he won't have another letter for a week. And that's his last. I have a letter that I want *you* to read after the poker game. Hopefully it'll be this Sunday, right? 

If you haven't tried yet, track down Naomi. I'd like her to be set up in the loft before Blair comes back on Sunday morning. 

And watch it, Simon. She plays a mean game of cards. 

And yes, she *is* beautiful, but if you get anything going with her, you might end up Blair's father-in-law. 

Think about it! 

Jim  
  


* * *

Poker Night 

I hope tonight went well. The Sandburgs probably robbed you all blind, didn't they? Well, my life insurance policy should cover it, right? Blair has no idea how much it's for, so a few thousand here or there isn't going to bother him. 

Okay, I'm about to make things very easy for you, Simon--or as easy as they get in times like these. 

He should be fine now--not back to normal, but ready to go on. This is all I'm asking, Simon, but I won't be surprised if I look down there and see you doing more... 

Keep tabs on him. That's it. Just an occassional phone call, or an invitation to breakfast. Tell him I always wanted him to keep the loft, but I'll understand if he doesn't. 

And tell him I told you you could borrow the cabin every once in a while to go fishing with Darryl. Invite Blair along sometime, okay? 

This is the last you'll hear from me. No doubt you're glad to hear that. 

I really value you, Simon. I know Blair does too. 

Give my love to Darryl--and Carolyn, if you ever talk to her these days. 

Thank you, 

Jim  
  


* * *

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